Sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed. And I think and wonder if my life is really being directed by divine guidance, or if I am running this race alone--the wrong way.
And it is in these moments that God asks me,
"Hast thou not seen
how all thou needest
hath been granted
in what He ordaineth?"
And it's true. It is so true. A short story to illustrate:
Having recently returned from a mission in Taiwan, I still have friends there who would appreciate correspondance in the form of letters occasionally. But each letter to Taiwan comes with a 94 cent stamp bill, which gets pretty pricy. And I have no money. A bit of a dillema, eh?
And then the other day my mother handed me a stack of more than 20 stamped envelopes. Stamped with the international 94 cent stamps. And she said that someone gave her the envelopes so she could write me letters on my mission, but she never used them. And she thought I might appreciate them.
Hast thou not seen?
4.15.2010
4.14.2010
"Hal, I wasn't there for the weeds"
This post could also be titled, "Stories that changed my life, volume one."
You see, when I first heard this story, I was in the midst of a (what I thought was) horrific program studying intense Arabic. I didn't enjoy it, I was busy with other things, and the only reason I did it was because the Lord had asked me to. But some days, that wasn't enough for me.
And then I heard this story. I had downloaded this talk to my i-pod and was walking home from campus one day, listening.
And I realized, I'm not here for the weeds.
And then, in Jordan, I told myself over and over, "Breanne, you aren't here for the onions."
And so I survived. And maybe one day this story can change your life, too.
"Let me encourage you by telling you a story. It was told to me by my father. He told it with the intent to chuckle at himself. It was a story about his trying to do his duty, just the way you try to do your duty.
"Now you have to know a little bit about my father. His name was Henry Eyring, like mine. He had done some of the things students of this university are preparing to be able to do. His work in chemistry was substantial enough to bring the honors some of you will someday have, but he was still a member of a ward of the Church with his duty to do. To appreciate this story, you have to realize that it occurred when he was nearly eighty and had bone cancer. He had bone cancer so badly in his hips that he could hardly move. The pain was great.
"Dad was the senior high councilor in his stake with the responsibility for the welfare farm. An assignment was given to weed a field of onions, so Dad assigned himself to go work on the farm.
"Dad never told me how hard it was, but I have met several people who were with him that day. I talked to one of them on the phone the other night to check the story. The one I talked to said that he was weeding in the row next to Dad through much of the day. He told me the same thing that others who were there that day have told me. He said that the pain was so great that Dad was pulling himself along on his stomach with his elbows. He couldn't kneel. The pain was too great for him to kneel. Everyone who has talked to me has remarked how Dad smiled, and laughed, and talked happily with them as they worked in that field of onions.
"Now, this is the joke Dad told me on himself, afterward. He said he was there at the end of the day. After all the work was finished and the onions were all weeded, someone asked him, "Henry, good heavens! You didn't pull those weeds, did you? Those weeds were sprayed two days ago, and they were going to die anyway."
"Dad just roared. He thought that was the funniest thing. He thought it was a great joke on himself. He had worked through the day in the wrong weeds. They had been sprayed and would have died anyway.
"When Dad told me this story, I knew how tough it was. So I said to him, "Dad, how could you make a joke out of that? How could you take it so pleasantly?"
"He said something to me that I will never forget, and I hope you won't. He said, "Hal, I wasn't there for the weeds."
"Now, you'll be in an onion patch much of your life. So will I. It will be hard to see the powers of heaven magnifying us or our efforts. It may even be hard to see our work being of any value at all. And sometimes our work won't go well.
"But you didn't come for the weeds. You came for the Savior. And if you pray, and if you choose to be clean, and if you choose to follow God's servants, you will be able to work and wait long enough to bring down the powers of heaven."
--Henry B. Eyring, "Waiting Upon the Lord," Sept. 30 1990
You see, when I first heard this story, I was in the midst of a (what I thought was) horrific program studying intense Arabic. I didn't enjoy it, I was busy with other things, and the only reason I did it was because the Lord had asked me to. But some days, that wasn't enough for me.
And then I heard this story. I had downloaded this talk to my i-pod and was walking home from campus one day, listening.
And I realized, I'm not here for the weeds.
And then, in Jordan, I told myself over and over, "Breanne, you aren't here for the onions."
And so I survived. And maybe one day this story can change your life, too.
"Let me encourage you by telling you a story. It was told to me by my father. He told it with the intent to chuckle at himself. It was a story about his trying to do his duty, just the way you try to do your duty.
"Now you have to know a little bit about my father. His name was Henry Eyring, like mine. He had done some of the things students of this university are preparing to be able to do. His work in chemistry was substantial enough to bring the honors some of you will someday have, but he was still a member of a ward of the Church with his duty to do. To appreciate this story, you have to realize that it occurred when he was nearly eighty and had bone cancer. He had bone cancer so badly in his hips that he could hardly move. The pain was great.
"Dad was the senior high councilor in his stake with the responsibility for the welfare farm. An assignment was given to weed a field of onions, so Dad assigned himself to go work on the farm.
"Dad never told me how hard it was, but I have met several people who were with him that day. I talked to one of them on the phone the other night to check the story. The one I talked to said that he was weeding in the row next to Dad through much of the day. He told me the same thing that others who were there that day have told me. He said that the pain was so great that Dad was pulling himself along on his stomach with his elbows. He couldn't kneel. The pain was too great for him to kneel. Everyone who has talked to me has remarked how Dad smiled, and laughed, and talked happily with them as they worked in that field of onions.
"Now, this is the joke Dad told me on himself, afterward. He said he was there at the end of the day. After all the work was finished and the onions were all weeded, someone asked him, "Henry, good heavens! You didn't pull those weeds, did you? Those weeds were sprayed two days ago, and they were going to die anyway."
"Dad just roared. He thought that was the funniest thing. He thought it was a great joke on himself. He had worked through the day in the wrong weeds. They had been sprayed and would have died anyway.
"When Dad told me this story, I knew how tough it was. So I said to him, "Dad, how could you make a joke out of that? How could you take it so pleasantly?"
"He said something to me that I will never forget, and I hope you won't. He said, "Hal, I wasn't there for the weeds."
"Now, you'll be in an onion patch much of your life. So will I. It will be hard to see the powers of heaven magnifying us or our efforts. It may even be hard to see our work being of any value at all. And sometimes our work won't go well.
"But you didn't come for the weeds. You came for the Savior. And if you pray, and if you choose to be clean, and if you choose to follow God's servants, you will be able to work and wait long enough to bring down the powers of heaven."
--Henry B. Eyring, "Waiting Upon the Lord," Sept. 30 1990
4.11.2010
"Paint Skills"
Back in the days of narcolepsy, I had a really hard time staying awake in class. (I still have narcolepsy, but that is another story...). To remedy this problem, I would exercise many parts of my brain simultaneously by taking notes with one hand and drawing on paint with another.
I'm no artist, but I think I have pretty sweet paint skills...
PS--did I mention that I did these on a laptop touch pad? Pretty amazing, I know.
I'm no artist, but I think I have pretty sweet paint skills...
PS--did I mention that I did these on a laptop touch pad? Pretty amazing, I know.
4.08.2010
Facebook "Friends"
Just a side note, I have decided that I have graduated to using capital letters now.
Yesterday was my birthday, which made a very convenient opportunity to find out who my "real" facebook friends are. Actually, just an oppurtunity to see who uses facebook enough to know that it was my birthday, or those who just "randomly" happened to check their facebook and see that it was my birthday.
The point is, for the past several weeks I have been thinking about what a weird forum facebook is. The political discussions aside, facebook is still weird.
Don't get me wrong. I love facebook. I love being able to keep up with my friends and acquaintances from years and years ago. Most of them aren't good friends, which means that I would not email or call them after 4-5 years of not hearing from them. But, with facebook, all you have to do is see that their status has been updated "I'm getting married!" "Isn't my son cute"...etc, etc. and you can keep up with their life. And at least feel like you have friends.
But sometimes, I think that facebook friends go a little too far. My facebook friends now number in the 300's--which wouldn't be a problem except my facebook page is always filled with random people's status updates. And I think to myself, "Who is this person? Oh...yea, she was in one of my classes 4 years ago...I think." And then, I have lived in several different countries, so I sometimes get posts-posts, not just status updates-in different languages and from people that I frankly don't remember.
And then there is the add friend application. When someone adds you as a friend and you don't recognize them, what do you do? What if they really are waiting and expecting to be your friend but you don't recognize the picture of their face covered with paint or their very adorable child? How lame does it look when you don't "friend" them because you don't remember who they are? But what if they really don't know you but think they do? Then you get those annoying status updates and eternal invites to join facebook farm.
No, thanks. Facebook is just not my primary farm forum.
So lately, I have been thinking that I need to clean out my facebook friends. If I don't recognize them, "unfriend."
But then I just might not have any friends at all...
Yesterday was my birthday, which made a very convenient opportunity to find out who my "real" facebook friends are. Actually, just an oppurtunity to see who uses facebook enough to know that it was my birthday, or those who just "randomly" happened to check their facebook and see that it was my birthday.
The point is, for the past several weeks I have been thinking about what a weird forum facebook is. The political discussions aside, facebook is still weird.
Don't get me wrong. I love facebook. I love being able to keep up with my friends and acquaintances from years and years ago. Most of them aren't good friends, which means that I would not email or call them after 4-5 years of not hearing from them. But, with facebook, all you have to do is see that their status has been updated "I'm getting married!" "Isn't my son cute"...etc, etc. and you can keep up with their life. And at least feel like you have friends.
But sometimes, I think that facebook friends go a little too far. My facebook friends now number in the 300's--which wouldn't be a problem except my facebook page is always filled with random people's status updates. And I think to myself, "Who is this person? Oh...yea, she was in one of my classes 4 years ago...I think." And then, I have lived in several different countries, so I sometimes get posts-posts, not just status updates-in different languages and from people that I frankly don't remember.
And then there is the add friend application. When someone adds you as a friend and you don't recognize them, what do you do? What if they really are waiting and expecting to be your friend but you don't recognize the picture of their face covered with paint or their very adorable child? How lame does it look when you don't "friend" them because you don't remember who they are? But what if they really don't know you but think they do? Then you get those annoying status updates and eternal invites to join facebook farm.
No, thanks. Facebook is just not my primary farm forum.
So lately, I have been thinking that I need to clean out my facebook friends. If I don't recognize them, "unfriend."
But then I just might not have any friends at all...
4.06.2010
April 7
Tomorrow is April 7, and, well, it is kind of a special day for me. You see, on April 7, 1829, Oliver Cowdery began to work as a scribe for Joseph Smith as he translated The Book of Mormon.
Of this period of time, Oliver Cowdery wrote: "These were days never to be forgotten--to sit under the sound of a voice dictated by the inspiration of heaven, awakened the utmost gratitude of this bosom!...What joy! what wonder! what amazement! While the world was racked and distracted--while millions were groping as the blind for the wall, and while all men were resting upon uncertainty, as a general mass, our eyes beheld, our ears heard, as in the 'blaze of day'; yes, more--above the glitter of the May sunbeam, which then shed its brilliancy over the face of nature!...
"I shall not attempt to paint to you the feelings of this heart, nor the majestic beauty and glory which surrounded us on this occasion...I shall ever look upon this expression of the Savior's goodness with wonder and thanksgiving while I am permitted to tarry; and in those mansions where perfection dwells and sin never comes, I hope to adore in that day which shall never cease." --Messenger and Avocate, vol. 1, pp. 14-16
How wondrous and awesome and amazing would it be to transcribe for Joseph Smith as he translated the Book of Mormon--as truths were revealed that changed the world, the perception of God, and the entire mass of organized religion!
But why do I remember such obscure dates and details? Well, April 7 is my birthday...
Of this period of time, Oliver Cowdery wrote: "These were days never to be forgotten--to sit under the sound of a voice dictated by the inspiration of heaven, awakened the utmost gratitude of this bosom!...What joy! what wonder! what amazement! While the world was racked and distracted--while millions were groping as the blind for the wall, and while all men were resting upon uncertainty, as a general mass, our eyes beheld, our ears heard, as in the 'blaze of day'; yes, more--above the glitter of the May sunbeam, which then shed its brilliancy over the face of nature!...
"I shall not attempt to paint to you the feelings of this heart, nor the majestic beauty and glory which surrounded us on this occasion...I shall ever look upon this expression of the Savior's goodness with wonder and thanksgiving while I am permitted to tarry; and in those mansions where perfection dwells and sin never comes, I hope to adore in that day which shall never cease." --Messenger and Avocate, vol. 1, pp. 14-16
How wondrous and awesome and amazing would it be to transcribe for Joseph Smith as he translated the Book of Mormon--as truths were revealed that changed the world, the perception of God, and the entire mass of organized religion!
But why do I remember such obscure dates and details? Well, April 7 is my birthday...
3.30.2010
the shoulders of giants
today i was cleaning out my pre-mission emails and i ran across an assignment i wrote for my arabic teaching methods class two years ago. i don't know what the assignment was supposed to be, but i wrote about many of the teachers in my life that made me who i am today. i do stand on the shoulders of giants. and you can read about some of them here. :)
Mrs. Kelly: Mrs. Kelly was my teacher in the Gifted and Talented program at my elementary school in Texas. Although I remember few specifics of what I learned in elementary school, Mrs. Kelly was one of my favorites because she recognized the potential of each of her students. It might be easier to see potential in GT because of their advanced learning and personal drive, but I will always remember her for recognizing what I could become and pushing me toward that. My mother still tells me what Mrs. Kelly said about me so many years ago: "I want to see what Breanne does with her life, because she is going to do great things!"
Brother Anderson: Brother Anderson was perhaps my all-time favorite teacher. I could say many things about him, but the two I will choose to highlight are his care for each of his students and his brilliance. He was my high school seminary teacher, and I was going through a lot of hard things at the time. I turned alot to my favorite seminary teachers for guidance, and Brother Anderson was one to whom I knew I could talk to and he would offer real solutions to my real problems. I respected him more than perhaps any other teacher I had because he was brilliant, and especially brilliant about his subject matter (the scriptures and supplementary material). I truly believe he had the Book of Mormon memorized. Because he knew so much, when I asked him doctrinal questions he would show me where the answers were in the scriptures, teaching me how to find answers on my own. He inspired me to 1. memorize the Book of Mormon (it really is on my list of active long-term goals) and 2. be an ANES major.
Mrs. Cross: Mrs. Cross was my English teacher during one of my "life-crises"--not my mid-life, but a crisis nonetheless. I credit her with inspiring me to be an English major. I loved her class because she made us think critically about everything that we read. She stretched us to our capacity and then helped us see that we could do more. We read Hamlet, and to pass the test we practically had to have the thing memorized--but it is still my favorite work of Shakespeare because I know it so well. I prepared for her class not because it was so hard but because she made me want to excell--not just in her class but in my English major as well.
Matt Grey: Matt Grey was my first religion teacher at BYU. It was a summer term and a freshman class, but Brother Grey did not let any of that stop his enthusiasm for the scriptures. His enthusiam was unmeasureable--and he talked faster than anyone I had known to get all the information in! A close second after Brother Anderson in inspiring me to be an ANES major is Brother Grey, who graduated in that himself from BYU. When I heard the major was going to open the following Fall semester, I told Brother Grey that I was planning on majoring in it. He immediately took me to his office and gave me lists of classes I should take and some of his favorite professors at the university, all of which have become some of my favorite professors.
David Seely: Brother Seely was a reccommendation of Brother Grey, and I will always be grateful I took Old Testament from him. He would always bring up tangents about the OT/ANE in class and then say, "That would make a great master's thesis!" He taught me to reach beyond what is immediately available in the text and actually think about what you are reading. I went to his office several times to talk to him about Jerusalem (I was preparing to go to the Hebrew University), and he even wrote my letter of recommendation for my Hebrew U application (while he was teaching on a study abroad in London, no less!).
Dana Pike: Dr. Pike has been my teacher for a couple of classes now. There are two things I will mention about him: first of all, he pushes our scholarship to a new level. I feel that he is quite demanding for his classes, especially the ANES ones, but I am starting to understand that it is worth it. He demands us to practice real scholarship--not just get the assignment done, but actually think about it, and he structures his lessons around seeing what we learned from the reading/what we think about it/etc, and especially he makes us think about controversial issues within our major and how we are going to deal with these things in grad school/throughout our lives. And secondly, he is the ANES coordinator, and he cares about each of the people in the major like they are his own children, making sure he attends their presentations, supports their efforts at scholarship, and cares about their personal problems. I have had personal interaction with him a number of times, and it is clear to me that he truly cares--even though he is just my professor, he is willing to listen to my complaints and offer counsel when necessary.
Paul Peterson: Although Brother Peterson was not actually my teacher, I worked for him for a year before he retired. Brother Peterson impressed me because he was always looking for ways to improve his teaching, even though he had been teaching at BYU for about 40 years. When I began working for him he was teaching a graduate class on Christian History, and he would often run his ideas for class by me to see what a student's perspective was. He was also committed to lifelong learning and asked me every time I met with him if I was learning as I was working for him. If I thought the work was boring and wasn't learning from it, he wanted me to do something else--and he always apologized when he had a copy job for me to do! Brother Peterson has passed away now, but even at his funeral his children spoke of how he was committed to lifelong learning.
Well, there you go. I have had some awesome, awesome teachers. And maybe one day I will teach too...
Mrs. Kelly: Mrs. Kelly was my teacher in the Gifted and Talented program at my elementary school in Texas. Although I remember few specifics of what I learned in elementary school, Mrs. Kelly was one of my favorites because she recognized the potential of each of her students. It might be easier to see potential in GT because of their advanced learning and personal drive, but I will always remember her for recognizing what I could become and pushing me toward that. My mother still tells me what Mrs. Kelly said about me so many years ago: "I want to see what Breanne does with her life, because she is going to do great things!"
Brother Anderson: Brother Anderson was perhaps my all-time favorite teacher. I could say many things about him, but the two I will choose to highlight are his care for each of his students and his brilliance. He was my high school seminary teacher, and I was going through a lot of hard things at the time. I turned alot to my favorite seminary teachers for guidance, and Brother Anderson was one to whom I knew I could talk to and he would offer real solutions to my real problems. I respected him more than perhaps any other teacher I had because he was brilliant, and especially brilliant about his subject matter (the scriptures and supplementary material). I truly believe he had the Book of Mormon memorized. Because he knew so much, when I asked him doctrinal questions he would show me where the answers were in the scriptures, teaching me how to find answers on my own. He inspired me to 1. memorize the Book of Mormon (it really is on my list of active long-term goals) and 2. be an ANES major.
Mrs. Cross: Mrs. Cross was my English teacher during one of my "life-crises"--not my mid-life, but a crisis nonetheless. I credit her with inspiring me to be an English major. I loved her class because she made us think critically about everything that we read. She stretched us to our capacity and then helped us see that we could do more. We read Hamlet, and to pass the test we practically had to have the thing memorized--but it is still my favorite work of Shakespeare because I know it so well. I prepared for her class not because it was so hard but because she made me want to excell--not just in her class but in my English major as well.
Matt Grey: Matt Grey was my first religion teacher at BYU. It was a summer term and a freshman class, but Brother Grey did not let any of that stop his enthusiasm for the scriptures. His enthusiam was unmeasureable--and he talked faster than anyone I had known to get all the information in! A close second after Brother Anderson in inspiring me to be an ANES major is Brother Grey, who graduated in that himself from BYU. When I heard the major was going to open the following Fall semester, I told Brother Grey that I was planning on majoring in it. He immediately took me to his office and gave me lists of classes I should take and some of his favorite professors at the university, all of which have become some of my favorite professors.
David Seely: Brother Seely was a reccommendation of Brother Grey, and I will always be grateful I took Old Testament from him. He would always bring up tangents about the OT/ANE in class and then say, "That would make a great master's thesis!" He taught me to reach beyond what is immediately available in the text and actually think about what you are reading. I went to his office several times to talk to him about Jerusalem (I was preparing to go to the Hebrew University), and he even wrote my letter of recommendation for my Hebrew U application (while he was teaching on a study abroad in London, no less!).
Dana Pike: Dr. Pike has been my teacher for a couple of classes now. There are two things I will mention about him: first of all, he pushes our scholarship to a new level. I feel that he is quite demanding for his classes, especially the ANES ones, but I am starting to understand that it is worth it. He demands us to practice real scholarship--not just get the assignment done, but actually think about it, and he structures his lessons around seeing what we learned from the reading/what we think about it/etc, and especially he makes us think about controversial issues within our major and how we are going to deal with these things in grad school/throughout our lives. And secondly, he is the ANES coordinator, and he cares about each of the people in the major like they are his own children, making sure he attends their presentations, supports their efforts at scholarship, and cares about their personal problems. I have had personal interaction with him a number of times, and it is clear to me that he truly cares--even though he is just my professor, he is willing to listen to my complaints and offer counsel when necessary.
Paul Peterson: Although Brother Peterson was not actually my teacher, I worked for him for a year before he retired. Brother Peterson impressed me because he was always looking for ways to improve his teaching, even though he had been teaching at BYU for about 40 years. When I began working for him he was teaching a graduate class on Christian History, and he would often run his ideas for class by me to see what a student's perspective was. He was also committed to lifelong learning and asked me every time I met with him if I was learning as I was working for him. If I thought the work was boring and wasn't learning from it, he wanted me to do something else--and he always apologized when he had a copy job for me to do! Brother Peterson has passed away now, but even at his funeral his children spoke of how he was committed to lifelong learning.
Well, there you go. I have had some awesome, awesome teachers. And maybe one day I will teach too...
3.19.2010
i don't want to be ordinary
these past few days since i have been home from my mission have been ones of reflection. the day after i got home my mom took me out to eat at cafe rio. and i saw all the ordinary utah people, sitting there eating, and their ordinary utah lives, and their ordinary utah thoughts. and i thought, "i don't want to be ordinary!"
i want to be exciting. i want to have adventures. i want to change the world!
and then the next day i went to lehi to visit my sister-in-law and meet my new nephew, maxton. he is 3 months old. and adorable.
and i looked at laura, his mom, and i thought about her life. working full-time from home so she has time to take care of maxton, her days are filled with diaper changes, bottle feedings, and holding a crying baby, all the while taking calls from her boss and filling out spreadsheets on the computer.
and i realized that to her son, she is very not ordinary. she is the most extraordinary and important person in his life right now. and that is the way that God meant it to be. it was a very sacred moment for me.
but i still don't want to be ordinary...
i want to be exciting. i want to have adventures. i want to change the world!
and then the next day i went to lehi to visit my sister-in-law and meet my new nephew, maxton. he is 3 months old. and adorable.
and i looked at laura, his mom, and i thought about her life. working full-time from home so she has time to take care of maxton, her days are filled with diaper changes, bottle feedings, and holding a crying baby, all the while taking calls from her boss and filling out spreadsheets on the computer.
and i realized that to her son, she is very not ordinary. she is the most extraordinary and important person in his life right now. and that is the way that God meant it to be. it was a very sacred moment for me.
but i still don't want to be ordinary...
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